How To Resolve Misunderstanding in Our Relationships

It was Anthony Robbins who said that the quality of one’s life is in direct proportion with the quality of one’s relationships.” So Friend, may I ask? What currently is the quality of your life?

Some relationships choose us, and the others, we choose. We can’t select our biological parents. We can’t choose siblings either. In summary, you and I cannot choose family. Some of us might have decided not to relate with some members of our family due to one misunderstanding or the other. Trust me- I know what that feels like. I am not here to judge you, neither am I here to add coal to the fire. Relationships with people like your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, tenant, lawyer, doctor, friends, etc.,  are carefully or carelessly chosen. Either way, thing is- these relationships are chosen. 

There are certain relationships in our lives that need to be restored and there are some that do not. Let me lay a foundation here first. If your relationship with a person was never broken, there would be no need for restoration. Only what is lost or misplaced need be restored. Every relationship needs nourishing. Name the relationships…every means every. The language every human is prone to responding to is the language of love. Nevertheless, a lot of persons learn and show hatred, greed, disregard, selfishness, envy, backbiting, gossip, to mention only these few. How can we prevent such occurrences in our relationships? How can we honor God with our relationships?

I’ll be taking an unusual route to express my thoughts and give answers to the above questions. I’ll be focusing on you and I today, not the other person, not those other people. You and I have a part to play in either building or breaking our relationships.

Misunderstanding can generally be defined as understanding someone or something wrongly. Oftentimes, when we misunderstand people, it leads to disagreements and quarrels.  From personal experiences, I realized that most times, the problem is not that we lack the ability to understand those who we are in a relationship with. The real issue is that we choose not to understand them. We really are in love with our opinions. Friend, it can’t always be your way or the high way. Life mustn’t always be seen through your own lens. It’s needful to see reasons with people and see life through other people’s perspectives. It’s okay to not win an argument. It’s needful to listen with intent and not interrupt.  When you often use statements like “The point I’m trying to make is”, “You need to understand that”, and the likes, in discussions which often lead to arguments, then there’s need to watch it. Everyone must not get your point. Because truly, not all our points are truths. Some points we try to shove down people’s throats are based on our fickle feelings. They are not based on life’s unchanging principles. 

Truth is – many of us want to be the Alpha and Omega of our relationships; dating, marriage, parenting, friendships etc. We love to be in control. Life doesn’t work that way. It is known that selfishness is one of the leading causes of broken relationships. If you and I learn to put ourselves in other people’s shoes before concluding matters about them, more often than not, we’d say different words and take different actions.

To resolve misunderstandings in your relationship, do the following regularly;

• Exercise self control: Do not speak or take actions hurriedly. Control your thoughts, words and actions.
• Apologize: Be a protector of peace. 
• Accept responsibility: Do not play the blame game. If you knew better, you’d do better.
• Seek to understand the other person’s perspective: It is needful to know what other people think. We are different individuals with different ideologies, different backgrounds, different deeper concerns. It is only right to know what he/she/they think before you draw conclusions, say wrong words and take wrong actions.